It’s always nice when you get a good solid talking to from God. Tonight, I got a doozy of a talking to. I was, admittedly, praying about the thing with that girl at my church. Complaining might be a better word for it than praying, honestly. I’m starting to realize that I really and truly don’t want to date anyone at the moment, and just how scared I am of the entire concept of what he’s asking me to do. Not to say that asking a girl to lunch should really be all that scary, just that it is all that scary.
Well, tonight I’m having trouble sleeping. I even took a sleeping pill and I’m having trouble sleeping. So, as I’m lying in bed praying/complaining/praying God gets my attention and tells me to get on my face. I’ll be honest, I’ve had serious talkings to from God before. I was always a problem kid and I guess that hasn’t changed. I know that I’ve mentioned before that God cusses at me sometimes. He never does this when he’s serious about getting my attention, or when he has something specific to say to me. He does it when it’s what I need to hear to do what he wants me to do.
The serious talkings to are much, much more frighting. They always start with ‘I love you.’ Tonight, God told me that he loved me, and then he told me that I need to show a little trust. He talked to me both about the exorcist I met, and about this girl at church. He pointed out that the exorcist was his servant and I didn’t need to be wary of him. That was the easy part. Then he spent a good ten minutes lecturing me about not trusting him. I believe the phrase was “If I hear ‘this is stupid’ come out of your mouth one more time…”
I’m not really a fan of when God doesn’t finish his sentences. I know that it means that he’s serious about something, but not angry about it. For me, when God doesn’t finish a sentence it’s not a threat (an ‘or else’ kind of thing), it’s a chastisement (a ‘don’t you know better by now’ kind of thing), and that’s when I know that I’ve been seriously stupid. I’ve been so scared, and so convinced that I was going to get hurt that I haven’t trusted him in this. Thing is, I asked him (before the talking to) to take away my fear of this, and at the moment… I’m not afraid anymore. I’m still going to talk to some Godly men about it. Ask for some wisdom and advice, but I think I know what I’m going to hear.
God answers our prayers, but not necessarily in the way we think he will. When I asked him to take away my fear of this, I didn’t expect him to chastise me, but it worked. Sometimes I just have to shake my head in wonder at the God I serve.