We All Have Those Days

It’s been a rough weekend. Not actually a bad weekend overall, I’ve been very productive and I’ve had a lot of good times. I’ve enjoyed my evenings with friends as well, but it’s also been one long struggle with lust. A struggle that I’ve been losing badly. Admittedly, this hasn’t actually taken up much of my time. The struggle has been off and on, repeated, but off and on, as have the failures. Of course, in the middle of all of this I’ve been thinking a lot about Syria. Why wouldn’t I be thinking about Syria with everything else going on in my life. I mean, obviously Syria’s important, but why the hell is it important to me, personally?

Honestly, I think that I have to side with President Obama on the whole Syria issue. I don’t think that another war is a good idea. Honestly, I think another war is a very, very bad idea. That being say, I believe very strongly that a rule that isn’t enforced isn’t a rule at all. If we as a world actually mean to ban chemical weapons, then those who choose to use chemical weapons must pay a price. At this point the vast majority of the evidence points to the fact that President Assad commanded a chemical strike against rebel targets, and the international community shouldn’t allow this to go unanswered. That being said, we shouldn’t be the only people involved in this. If the international community as a whole isn’t interested in upholding a ban on chemical weapons, then the ban shouldn’t exist. While I do think that a forceful response is necessary in Syria, it has to be a communally forceful response. As a nation we can’t put ourselves in the place of single-handedly upholding international laws.

That being said, I still have no idea why I’m thinking so much about this. I try very hard to avoid politics, mostly because I think it’s a giant cesspool of misery, but apparently I’m not able to avoid it entirely. I have to admit that I also haven’t been spending as much time with God as normal. I’ve been doing my devotions everyday, spending a half hour or hour in prayer, but ever since about halfway through The Practice of the Presence of God I’ve been doing everything I can to spend my days focused on him. This weekend I have definitely not been focused on him.

I’ve been focused on work, on enjoying time with friends, on reading, television, lust, sometimes on fear, but not on God. I should have been focused on God. That is the focus of my life, it’s where I want my heart and mind to live. I fail a lot, a whole lot actually. Failure is probably the single most consistent thing in my life, whether its spiritual, moral, romantic, or otherwise, I fail all the time. I want to do better, to be better, to succeed in pursuing God. I want to be a Godly man, and I want to be a good man. However, I prove to myself daily that I’m not. God’s far from being finished with me. He has so much more to do, and I still want all of it to happen right now! It’s not going to. I know that it’s not going to because these things take time. However, I look around and see people that I admire. People who are better than me in so many ways. I don’t say this insecurely in any way, but I see people who I can’t compare myself to. I compare myself to Christ, and I understand exactly what failure is.

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