What is wrong with you people?! I am doing my best to keep my post count above my follower count, and you people keep following me. I do not understand this in any conceivable way, but it is a serious amount of work to keep up. I get my post count up, and then a bunch of new followers appear. It’s really very annoying. Anyway… jerks… okay, I really am done now.
I just read yesterday’s post and realized that I seriously need to take my own advice. I think it was a good post, a little ‘high and mighty’, but the ideas in it are solid. Here’s the thing though, I talk about doing hard things, and being confident in things that we’ve earned, working hard, developing a legitimate, realistic confidence instead of the insecure confidence that so many of us live with. All of these are good things, necessary things, things that we should be doing. The thing is, a lot of the time I don’t.
I’m just as American as anyone else, and just as insecure as any other American. I like to be comfortable, and I hate feeling like I’m less than someone else. I want my confidence to be validated, and that the problem. Real confidence doesn’t need to be validated, it understands what it is and where it stands. I love being right, and I love being respected, and I love it when people listen to me, but when I have to be the one who does the listening… too often I try to avoid it.
This is the ridiculous part. I’m finally getting to a point where I’m happy, where I actually like myself, and yet all too often I still want others to validate me. To some degree I think this is natural. We all want to be liked, respected, validated, etc, but when that becomes my focus and I avoid doing the hard things… then really I stop growing.
This summer has been hard so far, and I think that’s a good thing, but God still has to make me do hard things. He still has to force me into them, even though I encourage other people to do the hard things. In the end… I’m a hypocrite. However, I’m hoping to change that, little by little.