Sleep

I am exhausted. Have you ever been at that point where you’re just too tired to think? Where you can’t even figure out what it is that you need to do next? That’s where I am right now. I know that I still have some grading to do today… I’m sure of it… I think… my classroom is down anyway so I don’t suppose it matters even if I do still have grading to do. I probably need the break anyway.

Honestly, I feel like the Sunday before last (June… something) was a month or two ago. Between cleaning, grading, bills, conversations, etc, etc, etc, I have had an incredibly long week. It’s been good though. I was talking to one of my students this week about the difference between hedonism and utilitarianism. Both philosophies tend to operate on a basic ‘pleasure=good/pain=bad’ mentality that is really truly simple to understand. There are variations of each that focus on this concept in different ways. For instance, some hedonists pursue long-term pleasures even if these involve short term pains (a position John Piper argues for inĀ Desiring God). Utilitarians tend to argue that the greatest pleasure for the greatest number is good (i.e. seek the greatest good not the personal good), but pleasure is still associated with good.

I have a problem with this fundamental argument. The last week has not been pleasant for me. It has not been enjoyable, pleasurable, happy (I’ve been fairly happy, but circumstances certainly haven’t), etc. It has been difficult, exhausting, expensive, frustrating, and quite thoroughly painful. That being said, it has also been very good. I’ve seen growth in myself that I hadn’t realized was there. I’ve been tested, and I’ve been happy, even though nothing about my circumstances encouraged me to be. So, I have a difficult time accepting the notion that ‘good’ and ‘pleasure’ are linked together. Pain can be good, and pleasure can most certainly be bad. This doesn’t mean that they always are, but it does mean that good/bad and pleasure/pain are not synonyms, or necessarily even comparable.

Honestly, I’m tired enough that I’m not really sure I’m even making sense here. Oh, and I also learned from a friend today that apparently asking a girl to lunch means you just want to be friends. I never would have realized this, and I’m glad my friend told me because I was planning to ask not-Sarah to lunch tomorrow. Instead I called her and left a message asking if she wanted to get coffee some evening this week. I really hope that there isn’t some secret woman message in leaving a voicemail…

I think I like it better when I can just grunt at people.