God values our honesty. This is something of which I am absolutely and completely convinced. Read the Psalms sometime if you don’t believe me. See how deeply honest the psalmists are in their prayers and praises. Psalm 136 is a great example of this in my opinion. It takes an awful lot to get more honest than that. So, God values our honesty, and sometimes that means telling him things that don’t sound particularly respectful.
Sometimes it means telling God that you think he’s a nutjob and what he’s asking for is utterly ridiculous. That’s the position I found myself in tonight… and the thing is, it wasn’t even ridiculous, just a little bit humbling. The thing is, I really am massively prideful, and so ‘a little humbling’ and ‘I don’t want to’ quickly turn into ‘God, you’re insane, this is just a stupid idea’.
When I do this God’s response is usually something along the lines of ‘Uh-huh. I don’t care, do it anyway’, which is of course wonderful for me to hear. Nonetheless, this is the conversation I had with God tonight. It finally wound up with me asking God to lay off and just let me complain about everything for five minutes, which I thought was fair considering that he knew that I was going to do exactly what he told me to do. So, I got my five minutes of whining, and he’s getting his public humiliation tomorrow, which honestly probably won’t be particularly humiliating.
This is the thing though, have you ever had something that you both really did, and absolutely didn’t want to do at the same time? Yeah, I have a feeling that my entire week is going to look like that. The thing is, I know it’s going to be good. I know that tomorrow is going to be good, and I know that fasting this week is going to be good, and I know that giving up is going to be good. Nonetheless, I find that I still don’t want to do it. The very idea of it scares the crap out of me, and I know that isn’t likely to change until I actually get through all of this. Sometimes God makes us do hard things, and as much as that isn’t any fun, it is good. … … …It still doesn’t keep me from calling him a stupidhead jerk sometimes though.